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The Relationship Renovation
A step-by-step system for rebuilding trust, communication, and intimacy in the relationship you already have - for people who are done with vague advice and want a method that works.
by Alumigogo Books
Chapter 1: Why Most Approaches Fail — and What Actually Works
You are in a fight with your partner right now, or you are in the cold, hollow space that exists between the fights. You have tried. You have had the talks. You have gone on the couples' retreat, or at least you have hit "save" on the article about the couples' retreat. You have tried to express your needs in an "I" statement. You have tried to be more present. You have both tried, in your way, and yet here you are, or here you are again, having the exact same argument about the exact same thing, or feeling the same silent distance that has been growing for months. The fact that you are reading this is not a symptom of a lack of effort. It is a symptom of a lack of a plan.
The common wisdom is that relationships fail because of a lack of communication, or a lack of romance, or because two people have simply "grown apart." The advice that follows from this wisdom is almost always more of the same: talk more, plan a date night, try to be more understanding. If that has worked for you, you would not be reading this. The uncomfortable truth is that most approaches fail because they are treating the symptoms of a structural problem while ignoring the foundation. They are trying to redecorate a house with a cracked foundation and exposed wiring. You can buy the most